People / Aakomon Jones

Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

Harry

It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.

Ron Burgundy

Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Lloyd

Ow! Fucking fascist!

The Dude

H-hey, this is a private residence, man!

The Dude

You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

Walter Sobchak

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs... some Chinaman took them from me in Korea... but I went out and achieved anyway!

The Big Lebowski

Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

The Dude

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

Patrick Bateman

You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?

Harry

Who the fuck are the Knutsens?

The Dude

Extra gloves? You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?

Harry

Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing.

Ron Burgundy

Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Lloyd

Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen.

The Dude

I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak

Cannonball!

Ron Burgundy

The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.

Ron Burgundy

Harry, you're alive... and a horrible shot!

Lloyd

WE'VE LANDED ON THE MOON!

Lloyd

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

Walter Sobchak

Son of a bee-sting.

Ron Burgundy

They're gonna kill that poor woman.

The Dude

Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

Walter Sobchak

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.

Ron Burgundy

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Walter Sobchak

We don't usually pick up hitchhikers... but I'm-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Lloyd

Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?

Mental

Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.

Walter Sobchak

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION

Ron Burgundy

Sweet Lincoln's mullet.

Ron Burgundy

Flush you bastard.

Harry

My need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale cannot be corrected but, uh, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

Patrick Bateman

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry

You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

Walter Sobchak

I have to return some videotapes.

Patrick Bateman

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

Patrick Bateman

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude

I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Ron Burgundy

I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Lloyd

Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?

Patrick Bateman

OVER THE LINE!

Walter Sobchak

We got no food, no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

Lloyd

No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.

Lloyd

Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

Walter Sobchak

That rug really tied the room together.

The Dude

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Ron Burgundy

Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!

Ron Burgundy

Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!

The Dude

You'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow. The town is back *that* way.

Lloyd

She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!

The Dude

I said, "Do you love me?" and she said, "No, but that's a really nice ski mask."

Lloyd

Where's the fucking money Lebowski?

The Dude

Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

Walter Sobchak

Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

Lloyd

It's ok, I'm a limo driver!

Lloyd

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Walter Sobchak

Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.

Lloyd

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Ron Burgundy

Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?

Harry

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry

You know I don't speak Spanish.

Ron Burgundy

I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...

The Dude

Yeah, well. The Dude abides.

The Dude

Tic-Tac, sir?

Lloyd

According to the map we've only gone about 4 inches.

Harry

I hate the fuckin' Eagles man.

The Dude

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

The Dude

And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Ron Burgundy

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker

Ron Burgundy

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak

How now brown cow.

Ron Burgundy

That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.

Walter Sobchak

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

Sea Bass Friend

You've got a dirty whorish mouth.

Ron Burgundy

That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?

Lloyd

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Walter Sobchak

You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.

Walter Sobchak

Phone's ringing, Dude.

Donny

I got worms!

Lloyd

Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

Lloyd

A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!

Harry

I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Lloyd

TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Patrick Bateman

Great Odin's raven.

Ron Burgundy

Nice set of hooters you got there!

Harry

Saw it in a movie once.

Lloyd

You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

Ron Burgundy

Donny, shut the f- when do we play?

Walter Sobchak

I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming.

Lloyd

Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak

Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Lloyd

Your compliment was sufficient, Luis.

Patrick Bateman

Harry... your hands are freezing!

Lloyd

Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

Harry

Oh well here, take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.

Lloyd

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

The Dude

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

Lloyd

I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Harry

Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Patrick Bateman

Obviously you're not a golfer.

The Dude

Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

Lloyd

No Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken.

Patrick Bateman

I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Patrick Bateman

Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

Walter Sobchak

What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?

Lloyd

I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.

Ron Burgundy

I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly.

Patrick Bateman

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak

If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you.

Patrick Bateman