People / Aaron Cohen

Saw it in a movie once.

Lloyd

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.

Ron Burgundy

I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Patrick Bateman

Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

Lloyd

I have to return some videotapes.

Patrick Bateman

Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen.

The Dude

Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?

Mental

Donny, shut the f- when do we play?

Walter Sobchak

My need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale cannot be corrected but, uh, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

Patrick Bateman

Cannonball!

Ron Burgundy

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Walter Sobchak

Great Odin's raven.

Ron Burgundy

She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!

The Dude

I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.

Ron Burgundy

How now brown cow.

Ron Burgundy

No Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken.

Patrick Bateman

It's ok, I'm a limo driver!

Lloyd

H-hey, this is a private residence, man!

The Dude

Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

The Dude

Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

Lloyd

Harry, you're alive... and a horrible shot!

Lloyd

Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

Harry

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

Lloyd

Ow! Fucking fascist!

The Dude

I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming.

Lloyd

WE'VE LANDED ON THE MOON!

Lloyd

I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...

The Dude

What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?

Lloyd

Son of a bee-sting.

Ron Burgundy

I hate the fuckin' Eagles man.

The Dude

Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Lloyd

I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak

Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

Walter Sobchak

Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!

The Dude

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs... some Chinaman took them from me in Korea... but I went out and achieved anyway!

The Big Lebowski

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Walter Sobchak

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

The Dude

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Ron Burgundy

Yeah, well. The Dude abides.

The Dude

Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing.

Ron Burgundy

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Walter Sobchak

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

The Dude

Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Patrick Bateman

Who the fuck are the Knutsens?

The Dude

You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

Ron Burgundy

And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Ron Burgundy

You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.

Walter Sobchak

Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak

Phone's ringing, Dude.

Donny

I said, "Do you love me?" and she said, "No, but that's a really nice ski mask."

Lloyd

You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

Walter Sobchak

Flush you bastard.

Harry

Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

Walter Sobchak

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

Patrick Bateman

That rug really tied the room together.

The Dude

You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

Walter Sobchak

It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.

Ron Burgundy

Nice set of hooters you got there!

Harry

You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?

Harry

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION

Ron Burgundy

We don't usually pick up hitchhikers... but I'm-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Lloyd

I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Lloyd

I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Lloyd

I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Ron Burgundy

Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Lloyd

We got no food, no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

Lloyd

Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.

Lloyd

The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.

Ron Burgundy

You've got a dirty whorish mouth.

Ron Burgundy

Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?

Harry

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

Patrick Bateman

No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.

Lloyd

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude

TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Patrick Bateman

That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?

Lloyd

Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

The Dude

Obviously you're not a golfer.

The Dude

If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you.

Patrick Bateman

You'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow. The town is back *that* way.

Lloyd

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

Sea Bass Friend

Oh well here, take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.

Lloyd

According to the map we've only gone about 4 inches.

Harry

Where's the fucking money Lebowski?

The Dude

You know I don't speak Spanish.

Ron Burgundy

Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

Harry

Harry... your hands are freezing!

Lloyd

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker

Ron Burgundy

Extra gloves? You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?

Harry

Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

Walter Sobchak

Sweet Lincoln's mullet.

Ron Burgundy

Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.

Walter Sobchak

Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Lloyd

Tic-Tac, sir?

Lloyd

That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.

Walter Sobchak

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry

They're gonna kill that poor woman.

The Dude

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

Walter Sobchak

Your compliment was sufficient, Luis.

Patrick Bateman

I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Harry

A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!

Harry

Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

Lloyd

Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

Walter Sobchak

Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!

Ron Burgundy

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Ron Burgundy

I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly.

Patrick Bateman

Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?

Patrick Bateman

I got worms!

Lloyd