People / Matt Ross

Yeah, well. The Dude abides.

The Dude

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker

Ron Burgundy

Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

Walter Sobchak

Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?

Mental

Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!

Ron Burgundy

Sweet Lincoln's mullet.

Ron Burgundy

Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?

Harry

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude

According to the map we've only gone about 4 inches.

Harry

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Walter Sobchak

Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!

The Dude

Oh well here, take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.

Lloyd

We don't usually pick up hitchhikers... but I'm-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Lloyd

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Ron Burgundy

Ow! Fucking fascist!

The Dude

You've got a dirty whorish mouth.

Ron Burgundy

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

Sea Bass Friend

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry

Harry, you're alive... and a horrible shot!

Lloyd

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Ron Burgundy

Donny, shut the f- when do we play?

Walter Sobchak

Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Lloyd

What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?

Lloyd

Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

Walter Sobchak

How now brown cow.

Ron Burgundy

Obviously you're not a golfer.

The Dude

That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?

Lloyd

Your compliment was sufficient, Luis.

Patrick Bateman

OVER THE LINE!

Walter Sobchak

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

Lloyd

Nice set of hooters you got there!

Harry

I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs... some Chinaman took them from me in Korea... but I went out and achieved anyway!

The Big Lebowski

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak

I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.

Ron Burgundy

Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing.

Ron Burgundy

We got no food, no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

Lloyd

A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!

Harry

That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.

Walter Sobchak

I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Harry

Saw it in a movie once.

Lloyd

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

Patrick Bateman

Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

Walter Sobchak

Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

Patrick Bateman

Who the fuck are the Knutsens?

The Dude

Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

Harry

They're gonna kill that poor woman.

The Dude

I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Lloyd

WE'VE LANDED ON THE MOON!

Lloyd

Where's the fucking money Lebowski?

The Dude

Phone's ringing, Dude.

Donny

Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

The Dude

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak

The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.

Ron Burgundy

I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Lloyd

Harry... your hands are freezing!

Lloyd

Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

Walter Sobchak

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

Patrick Bateman

I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming.

Lloyd

You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

Ron Burgundy

Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

Lloyd

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION

Ron Burgundy

Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

Walter Sobchak

It's ok, I'm a limo driver!

Lloyd

Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Lloyd

If you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will kill you.

Patrick Bateman

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry

Great Odin's raven.

Ron Burgundy

You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.

Walter Sobchak

Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

Lloyd

Cannonball!

Ron Burgundy

Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

The Dude

I hate the fuckin' Eagles man.

The Dude

It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.

Ron Burgundy

That rug really tied the room together.

The Dude

Flush you bastard.

Harry

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

The Dude

H-hey, this is a private residence, man!

The Dude

You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

Walter Sobchak

You'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow. The town is back *that* way.

Lloyd

Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

The Dude

I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Patrick Bateman

Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?

Patrick Bateman

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.

Ron Burgundy

And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Ron Burgundy

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Walter Sobchak

I'm into, uh, well, murders and executions, mostly.

Patrick Bateman

I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...

The Dude

I have to return some videotapes.

Patrick Bateman

TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Patrick Bateman

No Luis. It's not me. You're mistaken.

Patrick Bateman

Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.

Lloyd

Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

Lloyd

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Walter Sobchak

No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.

Lloyd

I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Ron Burgundy

My need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a massive scale cannot be corrected but, uh, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

Patrick Bateman

I said, "Do you love me?" and she said, "No, but that's a really nice ski mask."

Lloyd

She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!

The Dude

You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

Walter Sobchak

Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Lloyd

Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen.

The Dude

Son of a bee-sting.

Ron Burgundy

Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

Harry

You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?

Harry

Extra gloves? You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?

Harry

Tic-Tac, sir?

Lloyd

You know I don't speak Spanish.

Ron Burgundy

Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.

Walter Sobchak